Uncertainty
by Hiei-Riku-RubedoFAN
Summary: Do they even know how much it hurts...to lose everything and gain almost nothing? ONE SHOT Riku thinks back on the past few years and wonders if any of it was really worth almost losing himself. Dark, cold memories mix with the lights of familiar faces.


**Hey People what's up? Well I'm going to try my hand at my first one shot and see how you all like it. This will be for my awesome Riku after Kingdom Hearts 2 and it will be him thinking about everything he went through to get where he is and was it all really worth almost losing himself over? I have felt the feeling of loneliness quite often and it helps me to relate to Riku! I LOVE HIM! Oh and I don't know if many people will like this but I felt like typing it. It's kinda like my own thoughts so no flamers if you don't like it please! (I do not own Kingdom Hearts in anyway shape or form.)**

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_**Uncertainty**_

A certain green eyed Keyblade wielder made his way across the bridge of Destiny islands to sit upon his favorite perch, The Paopu Tree. It was a normal beautiful day on Destiny Islands but in his eyes, that was the exact problem. It was too normal for the silver haired sixteen year-old and his heart ached for the adventure he became so accustomed to. After the year he went through to escape his boring prison and fly into the great adventure of villains, heroes, princesses, different worlds, and the love of a friend, it was just too calm on the island. He had been forced to fall back into his old routine of sitting upon his perch and stare off at the calming waves wishing for something more, but only feel the sense of isolation that surrounded him from all sides threatening to swallow him deeper into the darkness he worked hard to overcome.

The sound of laughter drifted through the air and into his ears alerting him to the commotion on the beach that was empty mere moments ago. Slowing to a stop, Riku looked down to see all his fellow islanders running around playing, what seemed to him a rather dangerous version of tag that allowed them to use their sparring weapons. Upon seeing Selphie smack Tidus upside the head as hard as she possibly could with her nunchaku, Riku decided it best not to watch any further as his naïve brown haired friend and his gentle auburn haired friend moved from the boats to see what was going on.

A slight breeze disturbed Riku's long silver hair, throwing it into his eyes and obscuring the sight of his friends as he continued down his intended path to the smaller island to rest upon the Paopu Tree. As he walked up he just happened to glace between the coconut trees and see a vision of his past self holding his hand out as the vines of darkness wound themselves up his body.

He abruptly stopped staring hard at the place he stood on that fateful night the Keyblade rejected him and went to Sora. He was thrust into a dark void that he had actually welcomed while his friend fought off a monstrous Heartless that was going to destroy the island. Of course thinking of one memory, involuntarily lead to another and yet another followed the first, creating a stream of thoughts pour into his head.

What would've happened if he stayed with Sora that night instead of choosing the darkness? What would've happened if HE became the key to the entire universe needed? What if he was the one who saved Kairi's heart instead of Sora? What would've happened if Ansem hadn't possessed him and thrown his heart into darkness? Would he be standing there as he was now or would he be stronger and have Kairi by HIS side instead of Sora's? Why did he always have the hard road and Sora always had the easier road? Why did he strive so hard to get what he wished so dearly for but Sora seemingly did nothing and got it automatically? Why was he the dark side of the Yin-and-Yang while Sora had all the luxuries of light? Was he truly part of Twilight or was that only another thing for him to throw away?

"What would've happened if I stayed in the darkness and gained control over it?" Riku calmly voiced leaning against the Paopu Tree, "If I hadn't chose the road of Twilight who would've found Roxas and gotten him back to Sora? Would Kairi have been kidnapped by Organization 13 or would she still be on the island with no idea that she could use a Keyblade too?"

Riku's heart ached and he unconsciously thought back to the fake Ansem and the way he used Riku as a simple puppet. Riku had let that power hungry fool control him in his futile attempt to gain enough power to save the girl who didn't even return his feelings. Riku gave and he gave and he gave but what he got in return was nothing short of a rip off. He worked so hard to make up for his past mistakes but he still had a feeling that he didn't deserve to be sitting in the sun with the rest of the islanders.

But…he had managed to get Sora, Kairi, the king, and his other comrades safely back to their homes and their families but………at what price to himself? He could still smell the faint scent of the fake Ansem all around him and the darkness that once seduced him was still there, as tempting as ever. Yet, after all that happened to him he couldn't forget that dark beach he was almost stranded on until Sora's heart got them out. The waves sounded the same in his ears and it was so beautiful in its simplicity. The water felt the same as it lapped against his hands and feet while he sat and watched that bright moon. Even alone, something inside him would've been happy to stay there, and that thought alone made Riku wonder whether he still had ties to his home.

"Do they even know how much it hurts……to lose everything and gain almost nothing?" Riku whispered as his eyes wondered over to the beach once again. He found that Kairi was sitting next to Selphie and they were laughing and giggling about something or other. Wakka, Tidus, and Sora were rolling around like complete idiots as they wrestled against one another in the sand, leaving their forgotten weapons just yards away from them.

As Riku watched them he felt even more and more less like the person he was before and instead like someone new that threatened to completely take over. Was almost losing his soul worth everything he did?

Yet, as soon as he posed the question he answered it. Yes. Even though he almost found himself wondering in the realm of darkness with no way out he wouldn't regret saving his friends. Even if he had been forced to stay in the fake Ansem form for the rest of his life, to him it would've been worth it to save his friends.

Memories flashed through his mind causing him to withdraw deeper into his consciousness. The memory of him standing in front of Sora with his extended hand as darkness wound itself around his body, flashed though his mind and was then followed by the memory of him watching Sora, Donald, and Goofy in the house as Maleficent stood behind him feeding his lonely rage. He unconsciously balled his fists as the next memory to come into his head was on Captain Hook's Ship as he stared down at Sora.

"You're stupid! The darkness will consume your heart Riku!" Sora desperately cried trying to make him see reason.

"The darkness can't touch me. My heart's too strong," he foolishly replied as he ordered his friend to be sent to the brig.

The next memory was him standing before Sora with both the Keyblade in his hands and Sora's old companions by his side.

"Your heart? What good will that weak little thing do for you?" he snorted in contempt at his friend. He thought Sora was pathetic and so naïve to confront him but he couldn't even see the darkness that was eating way at him as he mocked others who fell into it.

"Although my heart may be weak it's not alone. It's grown with each new experience. And it's found a home with all the friends I've made. I've become a part of their heart just as they've become apart of mine. And if they think of my now and then, they don't forget me. Then our hearts will be one. I know now I don't need a weapon. My friends are my power," Sora answered preparing for battle and he earned the Keyblade back from Riku and defeated him with it.

Despite the superior strength Riku always had before Sora always beat him after they went from the island. Then the memory of him standing before a sleeping Sora came into his mind.

"Jeeze Sora. I tell you to take care of her and what are you doing? You're around here sleeping," he smiled as he looked into his friend's face. He had the chance to forever banish Ansem from his heart but he chose to fight with his own strength. 'Immense idiocy or great courage,' Riku thought to himself with a smile.

The next memory soon hit him and made his good humor stop.

"Why? Why do you have the Keyblade?" Riku asked in frustration as he stared up at Roxas. The one person he couldn't defeat besides Sora until he accepted the darkness.

"Shut up," Roxas growled throwing his Keyblade down at him.

Then the memory of fighting Sora at the Land Of The Dragons swiftly came to mind. Riku was genuinely happy to see his former best friend but he was not however willing to let him see what he had become. He fought Sora and never made eye contact with his friend's hurt and confused eyes.

Then the memory of Kairi pulling down his hood to see his form came to him mind. He had refused to meet her eyes in shame and instead looked at his shoulder. Yet, she forced him to meet her gaze and there was no pity and no anger. He was met with the joy and relief she gained from seeing her friend again. She wasn't even horrified about his change in appearance. To her, Riku was still Riku, nothing more and nothing less.

Sora was just a little thicker. He saw the form and automatically thought of the fake Ansem. Riku was half hurt and half relieved. After all he didn't want to be found but his friend still thinking of him as his enemy stung. He was more than willing to leave and let them have each other but when Kairi stopped him and made Sora see the truth; Riku couldn't help but feel his heart lift to some degree.

And then of course the memory of the beach came to mind. It was calm and dark yet perfect in its simplicity. He was so beaten and worn that he couldn't make it to the water's edge without the help of his friend and that Sora willingly helped him down to the peaceful waves. It was just like the dark side of his heart. Everything was the same; the sounds, the smells, everything except there were no people. No one to hurt, and no one to be jealous of. Just him and his mind.

Riku jumped onto the trunk of the Paopu Tree and put his hand under one of the Paopu Fruits. What would've happened if he had offered one of them to Kairi before everything happened? Would she have turned him down or would she have chosen him instead of Sora?

He was unconsciously watching the beach but to his great surprise it had suddenly become vacant and empty. Whipping his head from side to side he scanned the entire island but there was nothing. Everyone seemed to have left. He looked at the sun in confusion and saw that it was still high in the sky.

"It's too early for everyone to go home," Riku said confused. He leaped from the tree to the shallow part of the water that didn't even make it up to his knees and walked onto the beach letting the calls of the seagulls into his hearing. He stared out at the water as if he was far away and thoughts of the getting away came back into his mind.

"What if we're a small piece of something much greater? I want to know what's out there," he once said as he stared out at the same ocean.

"We'll go together!" Sora's voice rung clear in his mind.

"Imagine the adventures we'll have!" Kairi's happy voice chimed.

Riku turned and without any reason why; he made his way to the secret place. He walked through the tunnel and stopped upon seeing the door. It had tempted him since he was young but he finally knew what was behind it and what it meant to open it. He slowly moved forward to it but stopped upon seeing the drawings Sora and Kairi made.

He felt empty.

They both shared that they love one another and that they would share a Paopu Fruit. Where did that put Riku? Would being around them become so awkward that he couldn't stand it? Would he just turn from it all and let them have their time?

It was then that a long forgotten memory came into his thoughts, surprising him.

_A young seven year-old Riku held his hands over his eyes as he stared into the sky, trying to see past the glowering sun. 'Where are they?' he grumbled to himself when suddenly he heard Kairi scream from a distance. It was followed by Sora's laughing and then a swift WHACK. Riku didn't have to guess what happened. Sora tried to pull a prank, got halfway through, and Kairi popped him for it. It was a basic day in the life of airhead Sora and too easy to get at Kairi. It was always the same repetitive routine._

_"Could you guys be any slower?!" he called as he ran from the shack towards the pier. He was met by his two young friends and they ran off to play their games._

_Several hours later Kairi fell asleep against a coconut tree, leaving Riku and Sora to skip rocks into the water, waiting for their mothers to call them._

_"So Sora how much do you like Kairi?" Riku asked with a sly smile._

_"She's a cool friend. Why?" Sora answered shrugging._

_"No I mean how much do you 'LIKE' her?" Riku asked again putting as much emphasis into the word as he could._

_"Oh……I don't know," Sora blushed slightly._

_"Well then you won't mind if I ask her to be my girlfriend then?" Riku slid smugly as he side-glanced his friend. Sora made a sour face but stayed quiet as he skipped another rock. Riku almost laughed but instead said, "What? Would that ruin our friendship?"_

_"No," Sora answered so quickly that Riku dropped the stone he had. The brown haired boy looked at him and said, "Nothing is going to ruin our friendship Riku. The three of us are gonna stick like glue from now 'till forever! If you and Kairi are together then I guess it's my loss for not asking first but I will always be both yours and her friend. I promise you that. So don't worry about making me mad."_

_"Sora……" Riku said quietly. He stared at his friend as he flashed him one of his big goofy looking grins._

Could Riku possibly as strong as Sora was willing to be? Would he be able to keep his resentment hidden if Sora and Kairi got permanently together? Riku was uncertain if he was even strong enough to be a halfway decent friend, let alone be able to hide what resentment he might get.

Uncertainty was a feeling he knew well but had a great distaste for. It was something that plagued him all around ever since that fateful night on Destiny Islands where he took his first step into a new adventure.

"RIKU!" Sora and Kairi's voices suddenly echoed loudly through the cave causing Riku to jump and stumble back over a rock. He smacked the ground with a flinching thud and lied there for a minute trying to catch his breath. Seconds later two pairs of bright blue eyes peeked over the rock and down at him.

"What are you doing down there?" Sora asked curiously as he extended his hand to his friend.

"I was……thinking," Riku answered avoiding his hand and pushed himself up. He couldn't help but steal a quick glance back at the picture of Sora and Kairi but then looked at them, "What are you two doing?"

"We were looking for you," Kairi smiled.

"Yeah we found out about this new food place back home and we didn't want to go without you. After all the three of us have always looked out for one another," Sora answered giving his goofy grin.

"Yeah so come on. If we hurry we'll catch up with the other three," Kairi said holding out her hand as Sora did the same.

Riku smiled and finally had one clear thought as he grabbed both of their hands to help him up and run out of the cave.

No matter how he felt, he would be strong enough to be their friend and help them out of anything they could fall into. Darkness or not he wasn't going to miss out on anymore things he used to love. And that was hanging out with his naïve, airhead friend, Sora and his gentle, kind-hearted friend Kairi. So even if it was for a short time, he wasn't going to think about his mistakes anymore but instead think about what he did right to help his friends.

His uncertainty was still there but that didn't mean he had to listen to it.

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**Well alright then. There's my first one shot. Please people review but no flamers please! Well, I hoped you liked it and I might do more Kingdom Hearts stories. This idea was just bugging me for a while. Alrighty then! I really like it……at first I hated it because I thought it was waaaayyyyy cheesy. Review!**


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